-blank-

Your best friend has sex with your ex, what happens?
- the crack wears of and the gravity of the situation his him like a wet sack of bricks, needless to say i must erase those memories from his brain, for his own good.

If someone said to you "nice ass" you say?
- i know.

When you scribble on paper, what do you scribble?
- bio-mechanical leaves

Do certain alcohols make you have different emotions?
- tequila make me fight or fuck, martinis make me classy and absinthe lifts me up off the ground

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
- yes

Is this year the best year of your life?
- it could very well be...

Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
- once..

Do you act differently around the person you like?
- no, i filter differently around everyone else

Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
- several

I bet you miss somebody right now...
- you win

Most memorable thing that's happened to you over the summer?
- see http://deadbreed.livejournal.com/11767.html

Ever really cried your heart out?
- no, it has always remained in my chest

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
- i'm not the same person i was yesterday

A book ever made you cry?
- yeah it fell on my head real bad

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
- every sex has

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
- no

Would you be mad if your best friend dated the person you liked?
- yes and i'd have a thumb necklace

If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
- yes and i spend the money on an electro-magnetic spin field generator, shielded equipment, a lotus exige s, a loft and myself..

Do you think two people can last forever?
- are you factoring in decay, or the fact that we are all stardust and what about the cold death of the universe? unless they integrate the personalities into a immortal machine AI and figure out how to pierce the bulk so they exist in there own closed space-time bubble in a meta-dimension, then no.

Think of your last 10 kisses, were they with the same person?
- yes

Do you think you'll be hurt again soon?
- physical, yes probably tomorrow

Is there someone you know you should probably stay away from but can't?
- no

Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
- yes

Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
- i could be better.. i know now how tho

Have you dated people who were not good to you?
- yes, but i didn't see it at first

Have any of your ex's told you they regret breaking up with you?
- yes

Do you regret any of your relationships?
- i do not regret

When you're being kissed do you like it when they hold your head?
- i like being touched

Finish this sentence: The last person I kissed was ...
- so indescribably complementary to me

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
- mac or josh i dont recall

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
- me

Would you ever eat a bug for 1,000 dollars?
- as long as it wasn't a bug from starship troopers

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
- 9401 minutes

Last person to text you?
- aly

Would you fall apart if the last person you kissed died?
- yeah

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
- no

Would you rather dye your hair or go tanning?
- dye

Best summer of your life?
- 07 or 08

Do you find piercings attractive?
- i've Stigmatophilia

Who was the last person you talked to in person?
- co-wokers

What were you doing last night at midnight?
- driving somewhere

What/Who are you obsessed with?
- strange loops, trans-humanism, zombies, cyberpunk, clothes, cats, knifes, ninjas, cats, cat burglars, serial killers, art, the surreal, aly, parkour, rpgs, pyschonauting, sex, rum, information, music, hunter s thompson, calvin and hobbs, things that push your limits and driving.

Waiting for something?
- 2 torrents, a rapidshare, paycheck, new starter, aly

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a K? How many?
- no

Was last night terrible?
- no i made 64 dollars

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone?
- if my friends didn't accept whom i dated, i'd rethink dating them or the friendships

Are you the type of person to make people laugh?
- no i'm the type of person that makes sure their humors are balanced (see what i did there)

Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
- still debating it..

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a A?
- Affirmative Allow An Alex to Articulate An Affectionate Adventure Affecting An Attractive, Ardent And Appealing Alyssa

Do you have a favorite number?
- 65535 or 14

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
- i know they do

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
- no, i'm fixing my car and giving back a superior one

Are you missing someone?
- yes

How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
- they wouldn't really care, unless it was on my face

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
- not enough

Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in?
- yes, and it was an inside job

Are you dating the last person you kissed?
- yeah.. she's amazing

Explain why you last cried?
- no

Do you sleep with a fan on?
- if its hot

What is your biggest fear about making a total commitment to someone?
- rejection

You think anyone's thinking about you right now?
- dreaming maybe..

Is there anyone you wish you could be spending time with right now?
- yes now who could it be...

What do you need?
- aly, bed, new car and a machine that poops money

Are you a bad influence?
- i'm influencing, and my morals differ from the norm, so yes

Who was driving the last time you were in a car?
- me

Have you ever used the word 'rawr' in an actual conversation?
- that is a sound, not a word. no.

Ever been hiking?
- yes, boyscouts

What day of the week is your favorite television show on?
- sunday, dexter

Can you cross your eyes?
- yes, but it makes magic eyes pop you in reverse

What size drink do you usually get when you order fast food?
- medium

Are the blinds on your window open or closed?
- closed

Can you be home alone without getting freaked out?
- yeah

Ever had anything signed by someone famous?
- voltaire and razed-in-black

Do you have any pictures on your refrigerator?
- maybe, but it's what inside that counts

What color is the trashcan nearest you?
- chrome

Do you have any embarrassing nicknames?
- sure, let me post them all so i can be mocked...

How many ceiling fans are in your house?
- 6, why are you so hung up on ceiling fans?

Hello lovely, hows your day going?
- almost over

Are you currently in love?
- by love do you mean companionate, passionate, interpersonal, impersonal, agape,
eros, philia, storge or xenia?

Whats the best feeling in the world?
- finding a complement like this

Have any big summer plans?
- get drunk, have fun, do something stupid

Who's your very best friend?
- ajosh and mac

Have you ever been on the phone for more than 4 hours at one time?
- yes

If you're a girl, do you carry a purse? If so, whats it look like?
- what? guys can't have purses..

Whats the cheesiest pick-up line you've ever heard?
- them: what nationality are you?
me: jamaican.
them: oh i can tell.
me: no you can't.

Whats the worst thing you've ever experienced?
- getting a phone call from my mom and knowing my grandma was dead as she tried to get around to telling me that.

Are there any songs that just make you cry everytime you hear them?
- gloomy sunday

Do you text constantly?
- you should see my bill

What kind of cell phone do you have?
- net10 d-bag i2232

Have you ever been to California?
- once

Do you take pictures of yourself when you're bored?
- if i had a camera, wait i have a webcam, yes

Are you still in school?
- no

Is there anyone that just completes you?
- you mean compliment, and yes, she does a dangerously good job of it

Do you think your friends REALLY understand you?
- yes

Do you use smiley faces alot?
- yes and i read them out loud like, smilyface, frownyface, blushyface, smirkface, or excitedface.

Do you like technology or hate it?
- love

Whats the sickest youve ever been?
- when i was loaded you on cid and i had 4 songs playing at the same time and i learned how to fade up, so i started stacking songs on top of each other and pushing them thur the floor and ceiling in time with the pulse of 4 different songs..

Have you ever been in the hospital?
- every other night

Do you have any siblings?
- yes, one.

Whats the longest you've ever had a song on repeat for?
- months

Do you like finding new quotes?
- i have a neat little quote book around here, somewhere..

Whats the stupidest movie you've ever watched?
- jesus christ vampire hunter

Don't you just hate those fake horror movies?
- i hate slashers

Do you think you'll get married and have kids some day?
- not quite sure

What were you like as a kid?
- awesome, i had adventures every day and learned so much...

Do you like energy drinks?
- fuck yeah, can i have one?

Do they make you insanely hyper?
- not anymore, they function more like a mood stabilizer now.

Black & white or color photos?
- monochrome

Are you a fast typer?
- no

Do you remember who your very first best friend was?
- andy soleden

Do you drink or smoke?
- yes

Know anyone who's pregnant?
- nope, know anyone with stairs?

What age do you wanna be when you have your first kid?
- i hate goats

How much money do you have on you right now?
- 124.44

What’s the last thing you "aw"ed at?
- verb

Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours?
- just barely made it

You receive $60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
- food

Ever felt like you’re not good enough?
- yes, then i get better

Where did you get the pants you are wearing from?
- jou-jou

Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
- i'll text her

What is wrong with you right now?
- youre so negative survey, how about "what going good for you right now?" then i'll say "well i adore my girlfriend, and my job is going well, i'm getting a new phone and a real bed soon and i'm going to fix my car tmrw, and get borderlands so me and josh can play it on friday."

What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?
- REAL apple cider

Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
- all the time i've spent on them has been hugely rewarding, so no

Is there anyone you're really disappointed in?
- no

Do you know what you want to do with your life?
- yes

Ever kissed anyone in your top?
- huh?

Do you think the person you like ever thinks about you?
- yes, all the time. blushyface

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night?
- about twice the time it takes me to get halfway there

Would you change for the person you love?
- change what? if its the core of my identity, no. if its a tire yes. quit being vague.

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning?
- night

Would you hug the last person that you hugged again (besides family)?
- yes

Have you had any beer this week?
- nope

Does the last person who put their arms around you mean anything to you?
- yes, lots, a whole lot, more then i can convey..

Where did you get your last bruise from?
- aly's teeth

What made you really happy today?
- txting aly

How often do you go for a run?
- about 40 times a night

Do you like the same person you did a month ago?
- yes

What makes you instantly like a guy/girl?
- if they show respect.

Does anyone know your password besides you?
- most of my friends

Are you thinking about anyone?
- yes, do you need a hint?

Has anybody on your top friends ever admitted to liking you?
- huh?

Do you like hugs?
- no generally, i hate physical contact with non-friends

Will tomorrow be better than today?
- it usually is

Is there anyone you know that deserves to get punched?
- yes and he looks like a bird

Would you rather donate to help sick kids or help abused animals?
- animals

What's the shortest you would ever cut your hair?
- 4 inches

Do you smoke little cigars? Have you ever tried them?
- no, yes

Ever dressed up as a pirate?
- never,i'm a ninja you see..

What was your favorite childhood cartoon?
- sailor moon

Can you sing well?
- no but that never stopped me

What's on your mind?
- a girl

What color shirt are you wearing? What does it say?
- black sweater, nothing

What do you think about bananas and chocolate?
- foster

Do you like to drink the juice out of freeze pops?
- no, i mix it with alcohol

Is your heart smiling right now?
- what the fuck are you going on about? you know it's just a blood pump right?

Are you craving anything at the moment?
- nicotine and aly, in reverse order

When you were little, did you think they're were monsters under your bed?
- no they where behind the shower curtain, i slept under the bed.

Would you rather sleep for 3 days, or stay awake for 3 days?
- awake, i can't imagine how much i'd get done.....

What's the last restaurant you ate at?
- the one i work in j.doobies

danger trouble fun (cyber retro zombie thing) is growing bigger.

this is a story that does not end well, there will be no happy ending. devoid of any apparent redeeming factors, this story shocked me. it's a story about being on the cusp of life and death. it is mine now, the only other one who could tell it has no breath to speak. this is your last chance to stop reading.

it's late, about 2am on a night that feels filtered and muted. i am working, moving to and fro like a large red scarab shuffling towards an unnamed destiny. exiting the store with 6 deliveries the stress, tension, and adrenaline permeate me like cigarette smoke leaving that metallic taste in my mouth. after 3 successful drops the taste backs off little, i'm now leaving a man who decides i'm worth 1.36 and i accelerate toward the crux of the night. there in my headlights is a fox. a wild fox, about a foot tall and two feet and a half feet long with tail. halting the car, he exits. fox is standing there eye closed waiting for the final blow, channeling bucket's aura, a transparency of wild thru which he can see wretchedness and shame almost as if the fox is embarrassed to exist near him. approaching the poor creature, he screams, claps, and stomps in vain, the fox will not move. for the first time he notices that the right hind leg is hovering; no blood, no bones, not even a discoloration.
"he's hurt"
his own voice startles himself. the fox opens it's eyes for the first time and stares at him. even though there locked in eye contact, the fox seems like he's looking down. a silent minute passes. he thinks the fastest way to get the fox out of the road is to poke it with a stick, lacking a stick he grabs the most stick-like object he has on him, the crowbar. as he nears the fox with the crowbar a car passes and stops, i do not know what they thought, but i can tell you what they saw; a beat-up delivery car with it's door open and hazards on, a skinny man in cowboy hat holding a crowbar walking toward a injured and frightened wild fox. they left the scene faster then they got there. holding out the pointed end, he ?lets? the fox smell it, fox has no particular feelings about the crowbar so he gently pokes the fox in the butt with it. the fox plop down, now siting in the road like a cat. several pokes later the fox refuses to shift in any way shape or form. looking at the fox sitting in the road, wild, pleading eyes burning holes straight to his center, he has an idea. taking the hooked end of the crowbar, slips it around the fox's neck, restraining the toothy end, and picks up the fox by the belly. heading for the tree line, the absolute sur-reality of the situation hits him. he is holding a wild fox. 20 feet later he gently sets the fox down just inside the woods, front paws first, then rear. again ploping down like a cat. the fox stares and seems to want to speak, a thousand words in a languages neither can understand. a quick pat on the fox's side and he backs toward his cars, never breaking eye contact. if we could speak, something would be left unspoken. he gets in his car and drives off. i relate the tale to a stranger, keeping them entrapped the entire time until they as if the fox is alright now. i did not know. i told him yes and speed off to the nearest gas station, grabbed a phone-book and called animal services. if i was less high on adrenaline i would remember more of the conversation, but i wasn't, they said they'd send someone out, i smiled and thanked them. i helped.
it's 4.33am. he's about to drive home but he decide to drive back and see if the fox is okay. the knife's captain plays as he turns in. half way thru the corner he sees a silhouette of a lump and knows the end of the story. maneuvering the car so the fox is once again in his headlights he gets out. he's standing in the road looking at fox laying there, peacefully stretched out save for the foot long streak of blood and fur perpendicular to it's body. he does not move for a minute, then two. at the end of the third minute he walks toward the fox and picks him up. he cradles the limp and warm body close to his. with his right hand he closes the fox's eyes and heads for the tree line, the absolute sur-reality of the situation hits harder this time. he is holding a dead wild fox. just inside the forest he sets the fox down. curling the fox up, he wraps the tail around the fox face, and backs away. he stands there for another minute.
"i'm so sorry" he says with more emotion and soul then he thought he had. heading back to the car he grabs his soda and pours it slowly over the blood and fur in the road, trying to wash it all away. back in his car he turns of the radio and and heads home.

it happened again.
eat more, the little voice said, eat three. so he did.
play some music, undo some music, make some new music out of old music. then a fort was built and a hat found and a key passed. a yeti help us pass some time till a mac rolls in. desicions were made of the relative importance of objects and boxes were packed, boots were put on. the yeti waves good bye as we go. some of us crawled on cars others wore drunk hats some of us knew technology was about to leave us. then motion slow at first then faster in pace with the beat as we left the city, zooming out to nature. the big city has left us now and we are listen to robert smith sing about love and forests. friends gone for an eternity are back and on a porch, how comfy he says as he sits to light a cigarette before going on a walk to nowhere then the massive menacing shadow he knew as lurking behind him grew a face, it was a pony. there where some videos and cigarettes and conversion and visits to rocklandia. a staff, pole, flag, torch, beacon, lance, light source was built. the choir swells as we marched on, never knowing were, but by god how we marched, then our writer could no longer stand the real and quested back to the synthetic, nature has much larger batteries, he found out. the idea of food was passed to taste, monies given and the only sober people left a porchful of US with one command, do not leave the porch.we left before well before they hit pavement. free, to do all the things WE could do, which was appearantly walk over to a rock with a big red blinking light smushed into a 12 foot pvc pipe. crossroads. we lost some, then there was a happy running into the inky black void. it was a fallen tree frozen in time the spilt second it hit ground. i climbed it. shadow people spoke to me, could not prove themselves real then i lost interest. WE find ourselves eating hash browns and being less noised. after some external inner monologues there was pathological laziness as if we've been doing these terrible things longer then ours bodies were ever built to. things were repacked that be did not manage to lose. ::drive to house, make eye contact with yourself in the mirror, not quite sure of who flicked the eyebrows at who:: goodbyes and hugs and thanks were passed. drunk hat is taken off, and a discourse on what just happened was held by the two remaining, one drifts off, leaving our dear writer with triple sec and energy drink. it's almost noon. i not sure which me is writing this any more, fuck it's a battle to hit each key and a war to spell a word right, just don't look up, don't look at the meanings of all the symbols above you. just keep typing. words feel like stones hanging in the air. so many things left unsaid and undone, paused until next time. beautiful sights and epic places visited, frozen till time reclaims them. the thanks for that, without expecting anything back. all the times you were there. every you. every meaning of you, every mask of you, and every real you. i love you. thanks.

i did it again.
sleep is for the weak and the un-busy, i have so much to do, it is a shame i will do none of it today. i'm three energy drinks and 12000% b12 down, i cannot stop shaking, people are staring at me. i think it is fear in there eyes. darrah keeps wondering though my brain meats like a lost kitten, mewing and chirping at things and stuff, refusing to maintain silence. i ran over a bird today in my car, two of them were in the road, one took flight as i came closer the other didn't. i had no time to maneuver. i do not know if it is alive now. i find myself seeking adventure more and more, as if i have become complacent in my life, i seek media, games, and books. i want a story. a new story. this is usually why i end up sleep deprived. the seeking. i thought there was a grasshopper under my skin earlier today, so i poked it and it did not crunch like it should of, so i guess i'm wrong. understanding of events is total beyond me as of now, i move and function like a shadow. there is no substance behind my actions, they are mechanical, a simple expression on an insect mind. i pride myself in my fluidity to adjust to any situation, smoothly and with every nerve in my body. i am lacking this right now. i am in strobe. a fast collection of individual instances, disjointed and unrelated. (as if my current wring style would suggest anything else) the people here have stop staring at me, i have become a non-person to them, a curious object they overlook like a amputee or homeless man, there is no eye contact, even when i stare them down. so now they get to listen to venetian snares. softly at first, i will slowly raise the volume over time, creep it in under there radar. i need more cigarettes and i miss josh. he was here for a little, almost completely this time too. i miss my friends, they seem like shadows to me [just like me] my masks are getting heavier, i do not think i can wear them today. i have to pee. this involves packing up my laptop. dammit. they should do a will it blend with the pope's hat, i wish to see if mr god will intervene. i want to mutilate time's causality, you know, to see what could happen. i will not post results.